Author Topic: Lightbulbs...  (Read 1536 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline AndyR

  • Pure80s Elite
  • *****
  • Posts: 1460
  • Karma: +6/-0
  • Gender: Male
Lightbulbs...
« on: October 11, 2004, 17:56:11 PM »
Q: How many Actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
A: One, but 500 auditioned for the part.
A: None. Get a techie!

Q: How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb, two to b**ch about how the socket has been violated, and three who secretly wish that they were the socket.

Q: How many Folk musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 40-one to do it and 39 to complain that it's electric.
A: Four - One to change the bulb, and three to sing about how good the old one was.

Q: How many homophobes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: First, they can't be sure the socket's feminine, and second, they'd really rather the bulbs stayed in the closet where they belong.

Q: How many homosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek "Fabulous!".
A: Two, one to change it, and the other to criticize the lampshade.

Q: How many Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists can't see the light anyway

Q: How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't, he declares darkness the industry standard.

Q: How many Blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.

Q: How many Dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as is necessary to make a pile high enough to reach the bulb.

Q: How many Enterprise crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six-Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say "I canna do it, Cap'n! These bulbs are stoon dead", Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say quot;They're BURNED-OUT, Jim!" and "Dammit Jim-I'm a doctor not an electrician!!", Kirk to screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.

Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Doesn't matter - we're all gonna die anyway.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many Perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency-department's staff to get it back out again!

Q: How many Schizophreniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of us

Q: How many Social workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just write a book called "Coping with Darkness".

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 3.
    -Why 3?
    IT JUST DOES, OK!!!!!!!!!
"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. George Orwell, 1984

quongle

  • Guest
Re:Lightbulbs...
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2004, 13:22:20 PM »
LOL!!!   Those were great!!

Q:  How many surealist painters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:   A fish

Q:  How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Only two, but you have to wonder how they got in there to begin with.

Offline Harri

  • Social Engineering Specialist.....Because There Is No Patch For Human Stupidity!
  • Staff
  • Pure80s Elite
  • *****
  • Posts: 6486
  • Karma: +0/-30
  • Gender: Male
  • Lincolnshire Bombers
    • Lincolnshire Bombers AFC
Re:Lightbulbs...
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2004, 17:18:16 PM »
Love them jokes, keep 'em comin'! :laugh:
Benny - I know you, you're in my calculus class!
Andy - Gym
Benny - Your name is Jim?

Offline Cam

  • The Boys Are Back In Town...
  • Pure80s Elite
  • *****
  • Posts: 2014
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • This was an awfully big marine
Re:Lightbulbs...
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2004, 23:42:25 PM »
Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. None, it has to learn to change itself
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public

Offline Vauxhall Victor

  • We're The Sweeney son, and we haven't had any dinner!
  • Pure80s Elite
  • *****
  • Posts: 4599
  • Karma: +3/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Turbocharged!
Re:Lightbulbs...
« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2004, 21:17:12 PM »
Q. How many Freudian Analysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to change the bulb, and one to hold the p*nis..er...LADDER! I mean ladder!


Q. How many 70s Disco dudes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to go up the ladder and change the bulb, and the other to tell him to 'Get Doowwwnnn!'
A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist.