Author Topic: Some quotes...  (Read 1042 times)

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Offline AndyR

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Some quotes...
« on: November 14, 2004, 21:51:53 PM »
"I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious."

Steven Wright

"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."

Steve Martin.

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."

Les Dawson.

"I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them."

Emo Philips

"The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney..."

Steven Wright.

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."

George Burns.

"Never put a sock in a toaster."

Eddie Izzard

"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."

Spike Milligan

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Emo Philips

"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in."

Tommy Cooper

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."

Jim Carey.

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."

Alfred Hitchcock.

"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings."

Ed Gardner.

"I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in."

Mick Miller.
"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. George Orwell, 1984