Author Topic: A couple of jokes  (Read 1233 times)

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Offline StrangerWithin

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A couple of jokes
« on: December 04, 2004, 19:56:13 PM »
A young Glasgow lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. 'Do you have any sales experience?' Asked the manager.

'Oh aye; uff dunnabitta sales stuffback up eh road anat, ah,eh barras anat, know?, nodded the young weegie. The manager liked the lad and so gave him the job.

The young Scots first day was challenging and busy but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to see how he was settling in.

' many sales did you make today?' he smiled at the boy.
The weegie said 'jis the wan'. The manager was immediately dissapointed. 'Wh-a-at? Just one? Harrods sales people average 20-30 sales a day! Oh well, how much was the sale for anyway? '101,237.64' said the lad. the harrods manager choked. ' hundred and one thousand tow hundred and thirty seven pounds and sixty four pence! What on earth did you sell him?'

'Well, first ah selt him a wee fish hook, hten a medium fish hook, and then ah selt him a new fishing rod. Then ah asked him where he was gawin fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I telt him he would need a boat. we went down to the boat department and I selt him that twin engined Power Cat... then he said he didnt think his wee honda Civic could pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I selt him a dinky Suzuki 4x4....

The manager was now incredulous. 'Wait a minute; you mean to tell me..... a gut came in here to buy a small fish hook and you sold him a boat AND a four by four?'

'Naw naw big man.... he came in tay buy a box of Tampons furries missus and Ah said......"Well pal, seein as how yer weekends fu*ked, ye might as well go fishing..."

Next one.........

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the interviews, background checks, and testing were done there were three finalists left. Two men and a woman.
For the final test the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We need to know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. In side of this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair, KILL HER!!!

The man said "You cant be serious, I could never shoot my wife"

The agent said,"Then your not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and entered the room. All was quiet for about five minutes then he came back out with tears in his eyes. " I tried but I just couldnt do it" said the second man.

The agent said "You dont have what it takes, take you wife and go home"

Finally it was the turn of the woman. She was given the same instructions to go into the room and shoot her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door openedslowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks so I had to beat him to death with the chair."

I have the body of a 19 year old. I keep it in the fridge.......................