Author Topic: 30 Things I Must remember as a dog:  (Read 1401 times)

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Offline AndyR

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30 Things I Must remember as a dog:
« on: December 08, 2004, 22:05:57 PM »
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
the way they smell.

9. "Litter tray crunchies," :- although they are tasty, are not food.

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in
the backyard after processing.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
people will think I am haemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard
with it.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's
driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the

21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage
to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.

22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just
getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying hello.

24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the
right thing to do.

25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to
their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my backside across the

27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the
water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
company is over.

29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.
"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. George Orwell, 1984


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Re:30 Things I Must remember as a dog:
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2004, 23:32:25 PM »

Offline AndrewR

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Re:30 Things I Must remember as a dog:
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2004, 23:43:22 PM »

Offline icemaidnrebix

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Re: 30 Things I Must remember as a dog:
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2005, 22:21:11 PM »
;D ;D ;D..haven't stopped laughing yet....great stuff
I love 80's music!. Who needs drugs and alcohol when you have music.  I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.