Author Topic: Drinks ... © ;)  (Read 2938 times)

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Offline Shytot

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Drinks ... © ;)
« on: April 04, 2005, 10:45:46 AM »
This dropped into my inbox yesterday ... no offence meant to any minority or majority groups ;)


PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS


A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered?
Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:

IF WOMEN DRINK ...

BEER
Personality:            Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:            Challenge her to a game of pool.

COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality:            Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach:            Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS E.G.; GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA
Personality:            Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach:            If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.

WATER
Personality:            Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach:            Don’t.

WINE - (BOTTLED, NOT 4 LITRE CASK)
Personality:            Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach:            Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality:            Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach:            Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.

CAPE VELVET
Personality:            Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach:            Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
Personality:            Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach:            Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......


IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

CIDER
He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.

CASTLE LAGER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

IMPORTED BEER
He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

WINE
He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf.  Desperate to get laid.

PORT
Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

WHISKY
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

JACK DANIELS/ Jim Beam (OHW ;) )
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Offline Viscount Discount

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2005, 10:51:20 AM »
Was that formulated by the PR agency for Castle Lager?!  :D

(Actually, what is Castle Lager - is it that South African fizzy Fosters taste-a-like bleurgh........)

Apparently, I'm under-aged.  ;D
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Offline Shreddie

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2005, 10:55:17 AM »
Easy?  Me??  Bet you all guessed that anyway  ;D

Offline Shytot

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2005, 10:57:42 AM »
Was that formulated by the PR agency for Castle Lager?! :D

(Actually, what is Castle Lager - is it that South African fizzy Fosters taste-a-like bleurgh........)

Apparently, I'm under-aged. ;D

Yes it is S. African.

As for me ... I'll drink anything except Bacardi Breezers and alcopops ::)

Offline icemaidnrebix

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2005, 11:10:53 AM »


IF WOMEN DRINK...

COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality:            Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach:            Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality:            Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach:            Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.


hey hey......I drink either...... :P :P :P mostly the alcopops....where's the baileys in here?

I love 80's music!. Who needs drugs and alcohol when you have music.  I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

Offline Rosie

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2005, 17:47:43 PM »
I'm happy with that analysis  ;)

I drink dry white wine.

Mind you in my younger days it was usually erm.........Breezers and Smirnoff Ice  :-[

PMSL at the guys drinks though! Aint that just the way??  :D

Offline jaxx

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2005, 18:08:48 PM »
i will drink anything as long as its over 5%      pmsl
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Offline JapanFan

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2005, 18:18:50 PM »
err... I 'fall into' the Red Square and Mudshakes section - help!!


still cracked me up tho, I've copied it to email round at work tomrrow, cheers!!
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Offline Shytot

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Re: Drinks ...
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2005, 18:35:16 PM »
still cracked me up tho, I've copied it to email round at work tomrrow, cheers!!

bugger I forgot to put the © on the topic subject ::)

typical of a red Square drinker to nick your jokes though !! ;D

Offline Anj

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Re: Drinks ... © ;)
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2005, 21:50:38 PM »
BEER
Personality:            Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:            Challenge her to a game of pool

this seems to have me sussed out  O0  I play a mean game of pool ;)

Might have to stop drinking the Aftershock though :o
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Offline icemaidnrebix

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Re: Drinks ... © ;)
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2005, 22:01:03 PM »
BEER
Personality:            Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:            Challenge her to a game of pool

this seems to have me sussed out  O0  I play a mean game of pool ;)

Might have to stop drinking the Aftershock though :o

I love pool...I used to be good when I was at college...if I had a house I'd definitely have to get a decent pool table.... O0  ;)
I love 80's music!. Who needs drugs and alcohol when you have music.  I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

Offline bev5

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Re: Drinks ... © ;)
« Reply #11 on: April 04, 2005, 22:35:04 PM »
BEER
Personality:            Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:            Challenge her to a game of pool

this seems to have me sussed out  O0  I play a mean game of pool ;)

Might have to stop drinking the Aftershock though :o
Anj you sound exactly like me!! But will never touch aftershocks ever again after the state they got me in  :o

Offline Onehitwonder

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Re: Drinks ... © ;)
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2005, 22:39:45 PM »
JACK DANIELS/ Jim Beam (OHW ;) )
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

actually it's jim beam/whisky mostly ( jack daniels - no ! )  ...does this mean i can knit a really MEAN cardigan  ?  ^-^