Author Topic: JOKES PAGE!!  (Read 226579 times)

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Offline AndyR

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #45 on: December 22, 2003, 00:34:26 AM »
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that mary walked
the boy's would see her thighs

Now mary had another skirt
it's split was up the front
BUT SHE DIDN'T WEAR THAT VERY OFTEN.

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Two blokes are sitting at a bar. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other guy will do.

The first bloke again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'

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Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so". Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words." Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed." "I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed." After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine. "Cold food",said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future. On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but moan since you've been here."
"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time.” George Orwell, 1984

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #46 on: December 22, 2003, 00:39:34 AM »
HOW DO BLONDES PRINT?
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Offline bigbaldbloke

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #47 on: December 22, 2003, 00:40:44 AM »
I hope, for your sake, that Cleo isn't blonde.........

Offline bigbaldbloke

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #48 on: December 22, 2003, 00:41:13 AM »
Hang on though, isn't physicalbabe?

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #49 on: December 22, 2003, 00:43:42 AM »
HOW COLD IS IT WHERE YOU ARE BBB?
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Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #50 on: December 22, 2003, 00:46:31 AM »
YES SHE IS BBB!!


WHAT TOWN DO YOU LIVE IN??
IS THIS ABOUT YOU??
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Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #51 on: December 22, 2003, 00:48:07 AM »
WHERE'S RUBIKS????
I THINK I HAVE THE ANSA!!

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Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #52 on: December 22, 2003, 00:49:33 AM »
ANYBODY WANT A JOB ON THIS SITE??
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Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #53 on: December 25, 2003, 22:26:08 PM »
One for the girls.  

What's the difference between a man and a Christmas tree?

A christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on!

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #54 on: December 25, 2003, 22:27:25 PM »
A teacher asked her class "What do you want out of life"?  

A little girl in the back raised her hand and said  

"All I want out of life is four animals".  

The teacher asked "really and what four animals would that be"?  

The little girl said "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage,  

a tiger in my bed, and a jackass to pay for it.  

The teacher fainted.

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #55 on: December 25, 2003, 22:32:31 PM »
A man walks into a pub for the first time and stands at the bar.
The barman says to him…. may I get you a drink sir.
The man replies….  Thankyou, yes I will have a pint of bitter please.
The barman pores him the drink, gives it to him and says…. that will be  
£1.50p
The man replies…I’m sorry but I am not paying for that! You made the offer to get me a drink and I accepted, therefore I shouldn’t have to pay.

Meanwhile theirs another man sat at a table, dressed in a shirt and tie, says excuse me but I have been listening to the conversation and I am a solicitor.
You barman offered to get him a drink, he accepted so he should not have to pay.

Barman says…. ok, ok drink your pint and leave; don’t come in here again your barred.
So the man drinks the pint and leaves.

Three or four days later the same man goes back into the same pub and goes to the bar.
The barman sees him and goes running over and says …I told you, you are barred from here!
The man says… what are you talking about; I’ve never been in here before in my life.
Barman says…oh are you sure?
The man replies…. yes never!
Barman says… well I barred someone who looks like you a couple of days ago and told him not to come back here again you must have a double.
The man replies …thankyou yes I’ll have a whisky

Offline Salcia

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #56 on: December 26, 2003, 00:09:45 AM »
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.  Then suddenly there was total quiet.  Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.   I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Offline physicalbabe

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Re:JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #57 on: January 08, 2004, 13:29:50 PM »
lol

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN JAY!!!!

Offline andrea

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Re:Jokes Page!!
« Reply #58 on: January 08, 2004, 19:41:47 PM »
Tampax did change the string for tinsel-but they're back to normal now because it was for the christmas period only

Offline bigbaldbloke

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Re:Jokes Page!!
« Reply #59 on: January 08, 2004, 19:46:54 PM »
For the benefit of the uninitiated, before you start reading this joke, "Tickle Me Elmo" is a Sesame Street doll that laughs when tickles.

Please read on.......

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she
reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to
rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so
the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Elmos all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles!"