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Author Topic: JOKES PAGE!!  (Read 264251 times)

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Offline Simön Lé Brit † ™

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #645 on: April 12, 2005, 20:25:23 PM »
Youre Welcome  O0


Man goes to the Doctors and says "Doctor I have a problem. I pee regular as Clockwork every morning at 7am on the dot" The Doctor says "Whats the problem ?" Man says "I dont get up till 8" *Boom Boom*




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Offline rossco

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #646 on: April 13, 2005, 06:54:35 AM »
Two little old ladies are walking home from bingo late at night when a flasher jumps out and exposes himself..

One of the old ladies had a STROKE, the other couldn't reach....LOl.. :) ::) :) ::)
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Offline obsdoc

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #647 on: April 13, 2005, 07:03:15 AM »
Why does an African elephant have 'big ears'?...................



Cos Noddy won't pay the ransom..............
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Offline Shreddie

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #648 on: April 13, 2005, 07:21:41 AM »
A Canadiain guy, Joe, walks into a bar on a remote Greek island. The wiatress takes his order - a Molson - and notices his accent.  Over the course of the night they get talking and she tells him her name is Darlene and she's also Canadian and that she's working her way round the world.

At the end of the evening, Joe asks Darlene if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him.  Although she is attracted to him, she says no.  He then offers to pay her 200 dollars for sex.  Darlene is travelling the world and because she is short of funds, she agrees.

The next night Joe turns up again, orders a Molson and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night asks if she will sleep with him again for another 200 dollars. Darlene remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.  This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night, Joe comes in, orders his Molson and sits in the corner.  Darlene thinks that if she pays him some more attention, then maybe she can shake some more cash out of him, so she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from and he tells her 'Calgary'.  'Wow!  So am I!....Where in Calgary?'  'Montgomery District' he replies.  'That's amazing...' she says 'So am I...What street?'  'McCloud Street' he replies.  'This is unbelievable...' she says, 'What number?'  He says '2460' and she is totally astonished 'Whoa - You are not going to believe this but I'm from number 2475, my Parents still live there!'

'I know....' he says, 'Your Father gave me 1000 dollars to give to you'

HE WHO DRINKS CANADIAN, THINKS CANADIAN!
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Offline Simön Lé Brit † ™

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #649 on: April 13, 2005, 07:39:36 AM »
PMFSL Thats Brilliant :)  O0
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Offline rossco

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #650 on: April 13, 2005, 14:44:48 PM »
THE PICTURE ON THE NIGHT STAND



After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another
Man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be
reassured. No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.




"That's me before the surgery”.. ;D ;D
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Offline Rosie

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #651 on: April 13, 2005, 15:31:04 PM »
PMSL @ that one rossco!!  ;D

Twist in the tale indeed!!!!!  O0 ;D
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Offline Simön Lé Brit † ™

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #652 on: April 13, 2005, 16:05:43 PM »
I rang up a Builders and I said "I want a  Skip Outside my House at 8am tommorow morning" The Builder said to me "Go ahead dont let Me stop You"
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Offline JapanFan

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #653 on: April 13, 2005, 17:13:24 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Offline Rosie

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #654 on: April 13, 2005, 17:14:58 PM »
I think there's a site which is full of these but spotted them in the paper yesterday and couldn't resist them....

MOTOR INSURANCE CLAIMS

*Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have

*The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth

*I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles, so I lost control

* An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished

PMSL  ;D
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Offline Simön Lé Brit † ™

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #655 on: April 13, 2005, 19:15:19 PM »
* I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out when I put my head through it.
*The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
* I ran over a man , He admitted it was his fault and stated that he'd been ran over before.


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Offline LISTER

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #656 on: April 15, 2005, 19:34:50 PM »
An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the wellies that the Irish guy's wearing.

She says to him: "Scuse me mate, I ain't bein fannny or naffink, But why doz one of your wellies ave an L on it, and the uva one's got an R on it?"

So, the Irish guy smiles, puts down his pint of Guinness and replies: "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot."

"Cor, blimey!" exclaims the Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them."




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An Essex girl is crossing the road, when she gets hit by an XR3i. As she is lying on the ground, the driver, Dave, rushes out of the car to see if she is alright.
"I'm so sorry luv! I just didn't see ya. Are ya OK?" he blurts out.
"Everyfink is justa blur, I can't see a fing" she says, tearfully.
Concerned, the man leans over the woman to test her eyesight.
He asks, "How many fingers have I got up?"
"Ah f**kin 'ell NO!" she screams. "Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down an all!!!"




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Two Essex girls walk up to a perfume counter and pick up a Sample bottle, Joanne sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
"That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace?"
"Yeah, what's it called?"
"Viens a moi"
"VIENS A MOI, what the f**k does that mean?"
At this stage the assistant offers some help.
"Viens a moi, ladies is French for 'come to me'"
Joanne takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again, saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me Trace. Does it smell like come to you?"

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Offline LISTER

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #657 on: April 15, 2005, 19:37:19 PM »
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Offline Badapple

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #658 on: April 15, 2005, 20:23:56 PM »
Quote from: rossco on April 13, 2005, 14:44:48 PM
THE PICTURE ON THE NIGHT STAND



After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another
Man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be
reassured. No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.




"That's me before the surgery”.. ;D ;D

Now i wonder who you got that from?
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Offline Badapple

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #659 on: April 15, 2005, 21:09:25 PM »


Two kids are playing football in a park in Manchester. Suddenly one of them is attacked by a Rottweiler which clamps its mouth around the kids neck. The other kid, seeing the danger his pal is in, picks up one of the sticks they were using as a goal post, puts it through the dogs collar, and using all his strength twists it until the dogs neck breaks and his friend is saved. This is all seen by a local newspaper reporter who sees a possible national headline in the incident, and goes over to the kids.
"That was really heroic" he says
"I can see it now 'Heroic United fan risks life to save best friend'"
"But I don't follow United" says the kid
"Ok, how about 'Super City Kid fights off rabid rottweiller to save his pal'
"But I don't follow City either" says the kid
"Well who do you support" asks the reporter
"Liverpool" he says
"Even better" says the reporter "Scouse b*stard murders family pet"


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