Author Topic: JOKES PAGE!!  (Read 227171 times)

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Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #15 on: November 18, 2003, 23:59:30 PM »
lol.................what you think of the kids one??

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #16 on: November 19, 2003, 00:01:51 AM »
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #17 on: November 19, 2003, 00:09:55 AM »
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''
The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''
''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.

Offline Onehitwonder

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2003, 00:12:36 AM »
lol  ;D

aahh thats why me misses bought the 12 pack for!

just joking deary,if you happen to jump on when im not around.  :-*

Offline Onehitwonder

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #19 on: November 20, 2003, 00:14:43 AM »
heres another:

michael jackson's completely normal  :P

michael jackson still makes good songs

michael jackson has never had plastic surgery


Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #20 on: November 20, 2003, 00:20:49 AM »
michael jackson isnt a kiddie fiddler............another joke.........he wants  [smiley=hanged.gif]
the  [smiley=5censored.gif] [smiley=5censored.gif] [smiley=5censored.gif] [smiley=5censored.gif] [smiley=5censored.gif]pervert

Offline Onehitwonder

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #21 on: November 27, 2003, 05:25:42 AM »
most web pages are well designed and nothing is
hidden,and everything is clear and well labelled so you Know EXACTLY were you're going.


most web pages should be allowed to be designed with
really bad layout.


i have heaps of patience for searching the above items
and i can spend hours doing so.....

if i cant find what i want to find in a web site,even though it said its in there somewhere.i will keep looking
after 5 minutes

and finally...i don't at all want to smash my computer to
pieces and not congradulate the web designers on such
a brilliant site....with its ease of use and understanding..

Offline bigbaldbloke

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #22 on: November 27, 2003, 09:12:45 AM »
The Police have finished searching Michael Jackson's house.

They found Class A drugs in the living room, Class B drugs in the lounge & Class 4C in the bedroom!

Offline Onehitwonder

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #23 on: November 27, 2003, 20:35:53 PM »
heard that one the other day off" whats my excuse " lol

does'nt take long for someone to invent something up
these days  ;D

Offline Rubikscube

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #24 on: November 28, 2003, 23:41:42 PM »
Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of
the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who knows nothing about golf,
greets him in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of who the golf
pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods
a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so,
two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those,
son?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well,
what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're
for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. "Feckin Jaysus",
says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything".
Rubikscube

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #25 on: November 28, 2003, 23:50:32 PM »
lol............ 8)

Offline rosecamp

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #26 on: November 29, 2003, 18:12:09 PM »
I love that one!

Here's another blonde joke.

A blonde lady boards a flight to Dallas and takes a seat in business class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and says: "Well,  you hold an economy class ticket, so I ask you to move back into the next cabin." "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Texas" declares the lady. The attendant asks the main stewart for help. He approaches the passenger and says. "Ma'am, you're holding an economy class ticket. I kindly ask you to take a seat over there." - "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Texas" says the lady. The main stewart asks the flight captain for help. The captain whispers something to the lady, and she packs up her things and steps into economy class. "How the heck did you manage that?" asks the main stewart. "I told her that business class doesn't go to Texas".    

Offline Onehitwonder

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #27 on: November 30, 2003, 00:23:20 AM »
lol  ;D

Offline JASON

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #28 on: November 30, 2003, 02:39:27 AM »
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "damn, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 pence."
...............................................................................
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.
A night of tall tales commences.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his thingy.
...............................................................................
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."
The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
.................................................................................
Why did the calf cross the street?
To get to the udder side.




Offline AndyR

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #29 on: November 30, 2003, 17:42:40 PM »
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit (groan) on a hot day.
So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel. They ask who it is.
"The blind man" a voice replies. The three nuns decide to just simply open the door because the man is blind.
The man walks in and looks at the nuns.

"Nice boobs! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

==============================

A burglar went to the bank and pointed a gun on the cashier and said, "Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!"
The cashier laughed and said, "Your meant to say HISTORY."
The burglar answered, "Don't change the subject."

==============================

Dictionary of Musical Terms

JAZZ : Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
BLUES : Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
WORLD MUSIC : A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
OPERA : People singing when they should be talking.
RAP : People talking when they should be singing.
CLASSICAL : Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
FOLK : Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.
BIG BAND : 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.
HOUSE MUSIC : OK as long as it's not the house next door.

=========================

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of
the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come
running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'!"

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem
is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"


"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. George Orwell, 1984