Author Topic: Letter To The Guys  (Read 915 times)

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Offline Valks

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Letter To The Guys
« on: February 09, 2006, 01:42:28 AM »
~ this is old and has done the rounds many times ... but it still makes me chuckle so it's here ~

In a recent invasion on a cave in Afghanistan, the yanks thought that Osama Bin Laden was hiding in that very cave. Apart from a small smoldering fire, warm cups of coffee, they saw a writing pad, with a note on it that was written by the man himself, and it was intended to be distributed to his troops. Here is the letter:


Hi Guys,

We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! While we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave and frankly I have a few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation -- a health and safety issue -- so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ...have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the nuts out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration, that's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. And please do not chant "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey.

Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote: OSAMA SHAGS DONKEYS" on the group toilet
wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys there is a grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,

 Group Hug.


PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribed on my laundry bag.