Author Topic: Bible Answers  (Read 1018 times)

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Offline Cam

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Bible Answers
« on: March 06, 2006, 11:20:31 AM »
Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face  and maintain her composure! 

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious!  It comes from a catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about  the old and new testaments.

The following statements about the  bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or  corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.



     1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of
     creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

     2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was
     joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.


     3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of
     fire during the night.

     4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
     trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

     5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
     jezebel like delilah.

     6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

     7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened
     bread which is bread without any ingredients .

     8, the egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards,
     moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
     9. The first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.

     10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

     11. Moses died before he ever reached canada. Then joshua led the
     hebrews in the battle of geritol.

     12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son
     to stand still and he obeyed him.
     13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar.
     he fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical
     times.

     14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

     15. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the
     magna carta.
     16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found
     jesus in the manager.

     17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.

     18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

     19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others
     before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live
     by sweat alone.

     20. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to
     get the tombstone off the entrance.

     21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

     22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

     23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.

     24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony
     which is another name for marraige.

     25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public

Offline Karnataka

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Re: Bible Answers
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2006, 13:16:44 PM »
Brilliant. Loved the one about Solomon having 700 porcupines. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor.
Well, maybe...........