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Author Topic: JOKES PAGE!!  (Read 265394 times)

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Offline snappycat

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #990 on: January 28, 2011, 01:35:06 AM »
 :2funny:

like the way you sneak the really sick one in at the end!    >:D



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Offline Pin

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #991 on: January 28, 2011, 07:55:26 AM »
 :2funny: O0
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Offline rossco

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #992 on: January 28, 2011, 13:18:02 PM »
Two old ladies were on their way home from bingo one night, when a man jumped out of the bushes and "flashed" at them. One of the ladies had a stroke, the other couldn't reach..!! :D :D ::)
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #993 on: March 11, 2011, 20:51:04 PM »
What do you get if you drop a bag of maltesers at a weight watchers meeting?

A real life game of hungry hungry hippos


I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.

To white people it's copyright infringement, to black people it's a remix.
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Offline Viscount Discount

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #994 on: August 02, 2011, 10:34:06 AM »
I walked past a beauty salon the other day and noticed the singer from Ultravox was going mental inside it.

Turns out someone had asked for a manicure...   
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Offline Viscount Discount

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #995 on: August 11, 2011, 13:02:48 PM »
I went for a date with a lady dolphin once. It was great. We just clicked.

Yesterday, I told a bloke he smelt like a joss stick.  He was absolutely incensed.
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #996 on: August 27, 2011, 21:16:26 PM »
I remember the day my fiance said to me, "Wine me, dine me, 69 me,"

It was amazing what you could get for just 69p, in 1972.    I like this!
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #997 on: August 27, 2011, 21:18:26 PM »
To all those young people who failed GCSEs just remember 2 things

1. you tried your best

2. don't put gherkins in my burger
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #998 on: October 14, 2011, 22:05:10 PM »
I was having a lovely sleep earlier until some inconsiderate thingy decided to bounce off my windscreen.



My wife thinks our sex life has got boring and I'm easily distracted.

Oh well, better get back to it I suppose.



With all the stress I've been under recently I couldn't help it, I broke down.

I'm sat on the A17, can someone come and pick me up?
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #999 on: November 11, 2011, 19:02:16 PM »
In the car, I said to my wife, "You've been driving this haven't you?"

She said, "How do you know?"

I said, "Because the clutch is knackered."

She said, "Don't blame me, I've never used it."
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #1000 on: November 11, 2011, 19:03:22 PM »
On the 13th second of the 13th minute of the 13 hour of the 13 day of the 13 month I realised my Lidl calendar was nuts.
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #1001 on: April 09, 2012, 21:26:00 PM »
Isn't it strange how hot sexy women always drive cute little cars?

which reminds me - the MOT's due on the wife's Transit..
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #1002 on: May 03, 2012, 15:13:58 PM »
My ex girlfriend left me because she thinks I always get my jokes muddled up...

as she left I shouted "what came first, the chicken or the road?"

she didn't get it, as usual.
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #1003 on: May 03, 2012, 15:15:37 PM »
After reading a holiday brochure the wife said she wanted to go paddling in Greece

So I've filled the bath up with vegetable oil
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Offline dava

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Re: JOKES PAGE!!
« Reply #1004 on: June 22, 2012, 18:53:54 PM »
I feel sorry for Greece.
Having to pay out all their much needed money on the thousands of letters for the football players shirts.
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